News since July

OK, I get it, I'm a total flake at updating this blog! To the many friends who have commented by email or phone, please forgive me.

I'm still struggling with my health and still awaiting admission into the CFIDS research program I was hoping to participate in. It's been "next month" every month since June that I would finally be seeing a specialist through them, but at this point I've decided not to even plan or get my hopes up that I'll be in until sometime next year. In the meantime I've seen another doctor recommended by the Institute twice and am still trying to decide if I'm seeing any benefit or not. I have seemed to have a few "better" days both in measure of pain and fatigue, but these have come at the cost of some exceptionally hard days reacting to the treatments to get me there, so overall I can't say I'm seeing much improvement there.

The biggest news in our lives right now is that my parents are moving to Reno! Their house in California closes next Monday and they are driving the moving truck over on Tuesday, Oct. 30! I am beyond thrilled and feeling an incredible sense of relief to know that I will soon have them here. They will be staying with us for a short time as housing details are worked out here. They do have an offer on a house set to close Nov. 5, but there are currently some inspection issues that might hold up the sale of the house they are trying to buy - we'll take it a day at a time and see what God does.

Big J is growing like a weed. Our little boy who has always been so tiny isn't too tiny anymore, suddenly breaking the 50 pound mark and jumping through clothing and shoe sizes at an amazing speed. He's enjoying 3rd grade, especially math and his creative writing class, but his favorite thing right now seems to be his fencing class (yes, as in sword fighting). He's also discovered the wonder of reading for pleasure and will lock his eyes on anything and everything he can find, sometimes to a fault as in, "No you may not read anything else until you finish your chores. J, put the book down and unfasten your seatbelt to come in the house - and son, at least stop reading long enough to walk through the front door so you don't trip on the threshhold!" Big J is also thrilled to finally have begun his long-awaited violin lessons, joining in with a homeschool strings class that meets once a week.

R continues to keep us on our toes (and often on our knees), but has the sweetest side as well. She currently is selling the greater contents of her bedroom to pay for carpet repairs for the bleach stains in the living room... No, I'll spare you the detials. This is just one story from the many I could tell, but I can also tell you that a little girl with a more loving heart (when she wants to express it) might never be found. She gives the best hugs and cuddles in the whole world and absolutely delights in being a mommy to all her baby dolls and a second mommy to her baby brother. She'll be 5 in Janauary and is still trying to find the ballance between wating to be a baby and wanting to be an adult. We have finally mastered the potty (at least daytime) and she lives for anything messy or artsy, flourishing in any and every kind of craft supply she can lay her hands on. Homeschool co-op and Sunday School are special delights when she gets to do crafts without Mommy sensorship (and often brings home her clothing as gloriously decorated as her crafts). Kindergarten is going well and decoding/descovering how letter sounds make words is something she takes great pride in. Ponies and princesses and dress up and babies (real or dolly varieties) and tea parties and hair pretties, these are our wonderful world with R. :) She is still petite and as beautiful as ever.

Little J is 21 months already. Where does time go? He's a big guy (at least big for our family) around 25 pounds and wearing thing I know Big J wore at age 3 and even 4! He knows numerous (I've honestly lost count) Signs and is quite capable of saying several dozen words, though he typically chooses not to, having recently taken to not saying even many of the words that had been his standards a few months ago. One of his favorites for a few months was "wel-tome" (as in "your welcome") in place of "thank you" when handed something he wanted, but wel-tome seems to have fallen by the wayside in recent weeks, replaced only by contagious grins and giggles and a little happy dance. His first real sentance was earlier this month when he heard me say "No" to Big J and R about something. He turned to them and said, "No. No. Mommy say no, no, no, no, no, no, no!" with such seriousness that all we could do was just laugh.
He loves to scamper up onto Big Js top bunk, but unfortunately hasn't figured out how to get himself down yet - I just know one of these days he's going to climb up there and decide to come down by himself, face or soon-to-broken-arm first! We just weaned from nursing this week and he's handled it pretty well, though had some though moments. Amazingly he has been very easy to get to sleep all three of the past nights (maybe because he's not napped well), litterally falling asleep in a moment when laid down. Balls continue to be one of his favorite joys in life and he also thinks he loves dogs, chasing passionately after them only to turn and run screaming when they come close and sniff him. He loves music and will dance to anything with a tempo, even random sounds on the street that catch his fancy. He's got a little group of buddies at homeschool co-op that he enjoys socializing with and puts on a great show of screaming this heartbreaking, pathetic cry for a whole 15 seconds every time I drop him off, only to turn on the charm and flirt with his friends and the growups in the room alike as soon as he thinks I'm out of ear-shot (not realizing that I can watch him through a window high in the door). The story is much the same every week at Sunday School where he has several nursery workers and an adoring group of teenage girls flocking around him every week.

I guess I'm back here posting tonight because I'm feeling reflective, after 7 years of infertility I can hardly comprehend that I have been either pregnant or nursing a baby for litterally just over 7 of the past 8 1/2 years of my life, dating back to April 1999 and ending this week! I've calculated that from conceptions to birth I was blessed to carry Big J, R and Little J for a combined total of 107 weeks of pregnancy (along with a few more weeks for Joel and Hannah in 2001) so that's more than 2 years right there. Then I nursed Big J for 20 months, R for 24 and now Little J (weaned slightly sooner than I had intended thanks to my dehydration with the flu) for 21 months, so that's 65 months or nearly 5 1/2 years where my body provided another form of active nurishment for my long-awaited babies. This is not a huge "pat myself on the back" accomplishment on my part by any stretch! The reason I share is out of total awe for what I've been allowed to know when 9 years ago it seemed none of this reality might ever be mine. Glory to God alone!!!

I still can't quite wrap my mind around such a reality and I am humbled that God would grant me any of this. I feel joyful for all I have experienced, somewhat relieved to be moving to the next chapter of our lives, and yet honestly a bit sad too - it's gone so fast and I'm both amazed that it happened at all and that it is already over. Had I adopted and never known pregnancy at all, having our children would still be just as amazing. Had I never been able to nurse or had only nursed for short seasons, I would still be thrilled to be a mommy. I just don't understand God's grace to give me all that I asked for and so very much more. Feeling overwhelemed and humbled beyond words tonight...