What's on my heart this week?

I have a couple of special prayer burdens I would like to share with you. The first is for my friend Shelly. She was a regular member of the support group I led in Roseville, CA in the mid-90s when we were both going through primary infertility. She is an amazing woman and friend. We held each other's hands through miscarriages, treatments and surgery recoveries. She now lives in Florida and has been blessed with five living miracles (we shared the journeys of bedrest together as her youngest daughter and Jeremiah are just a couple months apart). And now Shelly has just undergone a double mastectomy and started chemotherapy (to eventually be followed by radiation as well) for breast cancer. Please hold the entire Howard family in your prayers for God's provision for their physical, emotional, spiritual, and financial needs - it's going to be a tough year!

On a totally different topic, I'm getting the writing bug again! I first submitted my proposal for Hannah's Hope a week before learning Ruth was on the way, got my contract when she was 10 months old, wrote like a mad woman until she was about 18 months, and spent the next several months back and forth with the editor until well past her 2nd birthday, then it finally hit bookstore shelves a month before learning Jeremiah was on the way! In retrospect I also think I dealt with some mild Postpartum Depression, so between all of that, I really feel Ruthi and I lost out on her babyhood together and I do not want to pay the same price with Jeremiah for the sake of another book. So having said that, I've been hesitant to even admit my desire to write a second book, because I'm afraid that if I actually say it, then I have to get serious and do it. So I preface this with the disclaimer that at least in my timetable, I do not plan to actually submit a book proposal to a publisher for another few years.

I have been feeling a growing drive to write a book about "Long-Awaited Motherhood". The idea would be to explore the unique joys, challenges and surprises of not only after-infertility/loss motherhood, but also "later-in-life" issues such as menopause (or at least pre-menopause) and toddler-hood. My target would be any woman who has entered motherhood later than her peers, be it lifestyle choice or circumstances (married later, chose to wait a while to start having kids, surprise later-in-life pregnancies, adoptive single moms, after infertility/loss, bio or adopted...) I would address both fun things and not-so-fun things such as the confidence that can be gained by entering motherhood with more life experience, or the surprises that can trip us up such as PPD (Postpartum Depression) or PAD (Post-Adoption Depression) when precious miracles had been so long-awaited!

I have been fighting God on this because it seems such an overwhelming task, but the more I keep telling Him the timing seems all wrong, the more He keep giving me ideas and I keep jotting down notes. So my current plan is to just try to be faithful to write down my ideas as God puts them on my heart and trust Him to show me how/when to get serious about putting it all together in book format and presenting the idea to publishers. I learned a lot about what I would NOT want to do in writing another book by writing HH, so this time around I want to have a good portion of the book already written before ever taking it to a publisher, rather than starting with a simple proposal then being up against the stress of a deadline to do the bulk of my writing.

So, unless God has different plans, my guess is that we are still probably at least 5 years from seeing this book on store shelves... But I am taking my first huge step by getting brave and saying here, "I am going to try to do this!" If anyone has specific stories or ideas you would like to share with me, please feel free to PM me. As I get to the more serious stages, I may also be putting together some sort of questionnaire and would welcome the input of anyone who wants to fill that out for me - I'll post more info on my website as we get to that point.

But bottom line, I ask your prayers in this. For wisdom for me to be obedient to the Lord's calling, in the Lord's timing, and that my family does not pay a price. I've found this passion to be so fulfilling, but I know there are many years ahead when God can mold this talent, while only a finite number of years to be a hands-on Mommy. I do not want to ignore a calling God puts on my heart, nor do I want to jump ahead of God's timing for fulfilling that calling and thus squander these precious early years with my kids and live with regrets. It hit me hard to realize the other day that at 6 1/2 years old, Joshua has probably already spent 1/3 of the life he will live under our roof!