Staggering With Exhaustion

What an amazing week! I've done breathing tests, an EKG, a treadmill/stress test (lasted a whopping 1 1/2 minutes on the treatmill before my heartrate said I needed to stop), an MRI and a brain spec scan. I am beyond exhausted, just simply praying that we will find some answers, not only for myself, but for so many others who are struggling too.

Sometimes it's easy to forget that the way I live isn't "normal" because it has been my normal for nearly half of my life now, for my entire adult life actually. But recently I've done a lot of reflecting about how different my life and abilities are now compared to before getting sick, how different my life could look if I ever saw full recovery.

I would so love to be able to walk to the mail box without having to weigh the cost in energy expense. Or be able to pick my kids up and swing them around in a circle until we colapse to the ground in a pile of laughter. Or to plan a short trip out of town without wondering how many months of physical pain and energy setback I'll have to end up paying for a 2-hour car ride. Or to be able to personally drive farther than half an hour from home. I wish I could always hold conversations with my kids without zoning out for lack of mental energy, or getting short with them for lack of physical and emotional strength to dive into the wonders of childhood.

I want to be able to do laundry and clean house and cook dinner and wash dishes without feeling like I've climed a mountain while fighting lions and dragons. Actually, I wish I could consistantly do these tasks at all - anyone who knows me well knows that my house is usually in shambles and the clutter monster is my constant enemy. Even though I'm a stay at home mom with amble time to prepare good meal, we do a lot of convienience foods and take out. I'm am, however, very blessed by my mom and a couple of friends who have partnered with me in "Once a Month Cooking" this year, so we are actually eating a log better and daily food preparation has become minimal!
I don't talk about my health often because I'm a go-getter and push myself to the absolute limit most of the time. I believe that whatever I do, God calls me to give it my all, and I usually do. My mom says I've accomplished more sick than many healthy people ever dream of and often asks what I could do if I were well. Usually I'm content to live within my limitations, but right now I'm just really longing to find out the answer to that question of what I could do without these constrains.
I know God has a purpose in all of this suffering. I'm just feeling reflective today and want to share the honest yearnings of my heart. Like the man who asked Jesus to heal him, I simply cry out today, "Lord, I want to be well!"
Thanks for listening to my ramblings and especially thank you for upholding our family in prayer. Now turning off the whining channel and returning you to your regularly scheduled Saake familly updates. :D